Lets Talk About Social Anxiety

I've got some social anxiety. Nothing terribly severe. I don't get panic attacks anytime I'm around more than two people, and generally, people seem to like me. When I go to a party, half the time I'm the life of it. The other half I'm hiding in some secluded place trying not to be seen... but oh well, right?

The issue with my social anxiety is that while I can be around people... I almost never want to. I have a few human beings I like enough to spend time with on a regular basis (we call these people friends). Over all, however, I would just as soon sit at my computer than go out and participate in "group activities." (See also: sports, parties, and study groups). I also don't like meeting new people. Don't get me wrong, I'm not shy... but I just absolutely loathe the prospect of having to make an impression on someone again.

What bothers me about my social anxiety is that it's keeping me from opportunities. I want to be a free-lance Graphic Designer (well, I sort of am already but...), and that means I need to network. Which is meeting new people. More importantly perhaps is the fact that I'm missing out on a whole world of social interaction that could be making my life that much better. I see people... and I see them having fun. Meeting people... being around people, and I'm envious.

So yesterday, at the gym, I stopped my work out and I played some pick-up basketball. And I sucked. I can defend all the live-long day, and I made some nice steals... but I can't shoot to save my life. Seriously, if my life was on the line, I'd throw the ball at the guy threatening me because that's more likely to save me than my shooting prowess. But what's important was that I didn't really know these guys. I'd said hi in the halls of the dorm, I'd played Halo 2 with them on the LAN, but I didn't know them. I played anyway. Not because I wanted to play basketball that severely, but because I wanted to do something with other people for once.

What does this mean? It means I have some atrocious blisters on my feet (the size of half dollars!) and I'm sore as all get out (basket ball on top of the first 2 mile run of the year... no fun). It also means that perhaps I am incrementally closer to beating this thing.